This week has been filled with a constant reminder and question from God that has redirected me to figure out where I find my hope. My hope for the future, my hope for my destiny, if I’m going to get a job soon, when I’m graduating, and all these questions that I’m sure I’m not alone in. Not so much questions but thoughts about my life that are constant and seem to come up daily. I use the word filled to describe my week because thats exactly how it’s been. Either my own questions and concerns for my life or problems from the people around me, either personal friends or family, or through worships songs. A song that has been on repeat all week( if you don’t believe me ask my roommate, I’m sure she’s sick of me singing it), is called Hope’s Anthem by William Matthews with Bethel Church. God talks to me very clearly through worship, don’t know how it is for you, but I love and look forward to worship. The beginning of the song that I play over and over goes like this:
” He’s awakening the hope in me
by calling forth my destiny
He’s breaking life into my soul
I will thirst for Him, and Him alone”
That’s been my anthem this week. He has awakened me to find the hope in Him by calling me to the things of the future that I have no idea how will play out. He’s calling out my destiny but THROUGH hope in HIM. Not in my own hope , or the hope to simply do good in life, but because my hope is in HIM and not worldly things, like what my future will look like, or how things will end. He reminded me that if things went according the plan in my head, I would of already graduated, in May 2013, and should be in physical therapy school. Neither of those things have happened and I’ve learned a lot of things in my desperation to make my own plans come to life. I will always speak personally on these blogs, I won’t point fingers, or lecture about my knowledge, or lack of, scripture, or related topics. I am human, not perfect and truthfully I have always been a big planner. Looking forward to tomorrow, to next week, to next year…to put it simply,to things or times I have no control over. I’ve always been taught that God is in control and He knows my heart, He knows where my life will lead, and I have free will to make my own decisions. Have always known that, but to understand it rather than just know it, is completely different. To have dreams is not a bad thing, not at all. To want things, for things to change, or circumstances to be different is not a bad thing. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for the things you dream of or the dreams for your future. You, or if I’m making it personal, I have to evaluate if the things I want for my life come out of my selfish, human flesh wants and needs, or what God is calling me to. A great woman’s blog that I follow mentioned Proverbs 16:9 which says “in his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines His steps.” That spoke instantly to my heart. My college days will soon be over in December 2014 according to my “degree plan.” So, like any responsible senior in college, I have been looking at where I want to work, where I want to do my internship, if I should move back home for my internship, stay in Nacogdoches, or if I should get my masters. Questions and concerns that are completely fine to think about. I’m planning my course in my heart but I’m forgetting the last part of that scripture. “BUT the LORD determines his steps.” My fault in my plans has not been planning for my future or my destiny but not finding my hope in HIM about my future. The truth he has been constantly telling me this week is that HE determines my steps and HE is awakening the hope in me by bringing forth those questions and concerns but I’ve neglected to go to Him with those plans. All week I’ve just planning away in my head and not asking Him to guide me in my steps. The last part of the verse from the song I mentioned comes into play because it states that he’s breathing life into my soul making me want only Him and His future and plans for me. Honestly, leaving that control and just having hope that God has the best course for my life is a hard thing to do. I am human. Control seems to be deeply rooted in my DNA, but I have the testimony and my own failed plans to remind me that He is and should always be the one I turn to when I’m dreaming about my destiny.